Moving “Forward” Instead of Moving “On”

At various points in our lives, we hit numerous obstacles at once. It’s like one thing just keeps happening after the other (in other words, L after L after L dawg). It can be annoying. It can be heartbreaking. It can be discouraging. And after a while, you just want to give up.

Don’t.

It’s easy to give up. It’s easy to say, “Forget it” or in vulgar terms, “Fuck it.” We do it all the time. For example, it’s like doing your homework and you have about 10 problems to do for class the next day. Instead of pushing through and finishing up all the problems, by the time you get to… let’s say the 6th problem, you decide to not finish because “it’s too hard” or “it’s too much.” We all can relate, we all do it. With each given day, I’m learning to unlearn the words “I can’t” and learn to use instead “I can” and “I will” because negativity comes too easy.

I didn’t start realizing that impact of negativity until the end of high school and I was transitioning into college. It realllllly hits you when you get to college because you’re mainly on your own.  The negative emotional and mental baggage starts piling up, and before you know it, you don’t feel like doing anything. Even waking up and starting your day begins to feels like a lot of effort. Too much effort. It’s difficult to find motivation to keep pushing, especially through hard times. The drama, the self-doubts, the constant comparisons that you create or people create…it piles up.

I wasn’t into the whole “mental health is important” and “having personal days” until the beginning of my sophomore year of college. Things like that went over my head all the time. Growing up in a Haitian household, the whole notion of mental health is alien. Oh depression? That doesn’t exist. So I grew up thinking that it’s nothing important and when I got to college and I couldn’t even get out my bed without crying? Oh sis, that’s when I knew it was real. I felt like giving up all together. I bet this sounds so foreign to some people because I’m such a vibrant person and I always have a lot of energy, lmao. But it’s true. I was going through a hard time. Butttttt, I got through it.

How?

I promised myself that my emotional and mental pain is only temporary. That it may be dark now but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. That I may be going through a storm, but I would see the sun sooner or later.

It’s was a day by day process. I literally had to constantly remind myself of my worth, my purpose, my dreams, my goals, and of course my accomplishments. Look. It was difficult. Some days were good. Some days were shit. Some days I just wanted to stop all together. I had a great support system. I prayed. I exercised. I wrote about my pain. I even wrote letters. I watched Youtube videos. I hung out with friends. I made sure I wasn’t alone for too long. I went to the city whenever I was free. I wrote positive affirmations on my mirror, on sticky notes, in my planner, in my journal. I kept busy.

And before I knew, it became an everyday process. And it started to become a routine. I kept going. And going. And going. And soon enough, my pain started to diminish, and I felt good. I felt great. My motivation started to come back. I started putting in effort, mentally and emotionally. I began to put myself first, and it felt great. It was like the pieces in me were finally coming together.

Moral of the story is: Don’t. Give. Up. On. You. Even if others give up on you, don’t give up on yourself. You’re far too special to be an “option.” Momma ain’t raise no punk. Get up and put in the effort today. Get up and fight for you.

~R

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